You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
