Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
