i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
