He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
