as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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