I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Boobs speak an international language.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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