i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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