Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
