the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
