I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
