You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
