is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
