Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
