PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize