He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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