all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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