somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
