rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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