Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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