If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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