Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
