You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
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Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
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Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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