you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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