Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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