absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
