So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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