hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
