thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
