So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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