am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
