I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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