hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
