Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
