i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
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And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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