I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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