i don't plan on having that self control this summer
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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