You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We need to get me chipped asap
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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