we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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