sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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