I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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