Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
