i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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