just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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