I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize