i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
