My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
