you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i think my mom watched the whole time
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
