Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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