How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
