Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize