I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
