Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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