dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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