So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
