I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
