You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
