Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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