So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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