i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
