oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
